Romantic Comedies Study

I was listening to the radio and they were talking about this study. It seems that all those romantic comedies may not be good for our relationships. Here is the link.

Romantic Comedies Can Damage Your Relationships

Now, I'm not crazy about studies like this because sometimes they can be too broad. However, I can't deny that in the past my expecations in relationships and my friends' expectations in relationships haven't been effected by these movies.

Thoughts?

A Jab and a Smile

Have you ever been with someone and they take a swipe at you or someone else with a smile on their face?

I call it the jab and smile technique.

And I should know about it, because I used to do it. All.the.time.

I would use sarcasm or a cute comment to veil a criticism or issue I had with someone. Until someone pointed out to me that even though I thought I was cleverly disguising my frustration, the person on the other end got my full meaning. And it was more of an insult that I said it with a smile.

So I decided to try and change.

It was tough.

Mainly because I didn't know how to express my feelings in a constructive way. I would do real well for a while and then fall back into my "jab and smile" tactics. But after much practice, I finally discovered how to express my feelings rather than hide behind a quick but stabbing comment. Not that I don't fall on my face every now and then, but for the most part the jab and smile technique is history.

Have you ever struggled with this? Have you ever been on the receiving end of this?

Thoughts?

Just Because There's Truth There...Doesn't Mean You Say It

I was in the seventh grade. One of my good friends was wearing a short and somewhat tight skirt.

What did I do?

I went behind her back and told my classmates about the awfulness of her skirt. And of course, she found out.

It hurt her so bad, it took me two days to get her to talk to me. She finally forgave me, but it took a while for our friendship to get back to the way it was. I learned two lessons that day that have stuck with me.

1. Never talk behind someone's back.
2. Just because something has truth in it...doesn't mean you should say it.

I was thinking of all this because lately I've run into a few people who have the habit of chattering about others behind their back. And I realized in every instance, they weren't making up vicious lies or anything. They took a small element of truth and made assumptions about that person. And decided to tell the whole world about it.

Much like I did when I decided to gab about my friends skirt.

I'm more convinced every day that we should all listen to Thumper in the Disney movie Bambi...with a little addition of my own.

 "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all...(even if there's a little bit of truth in it)."

That last part is my addition.

Double Standard?

Why is it when an older woman dates or marries a younger man she's called a cougar or puma but when a guy dates a younger woman he's a just a regular guy?

Am I the only one who finds this  double standard interesting?

Now I'm not into dating guys 8 years (or more) younger than me...but still...I don't think women should be called names because they find someone who happens to be younger than they are.

Thoughts?

Leaving the Unmarried Folks Behind

It happens a lot. Your friends get married and you're deleted from their social circle.

Sometimes it's intentional and sometimes it's not.

But it still happens.

Now, let me say I do have some good friends that haven't left me in the dust, but those kind of friends are rare.

This is just my opinion, but I think those who are married should be pouring into those who aren't. No matter how long they've been married.

They have insights and wisdom that those who are unmarried could learn from.

It reminds me of a verse in Joshua. You see, God was leading all the tribes to the Promised Land. Well...right before they crossed over, two tribes said they had found the land they wanted. So they asked Moses to give it to them.

This was Moses' response, "Stay with them (the rest of the tribes) until the Lord gives them rest, as He has given you rest, and until they, too, possess the land the Lord your God is giving them. "

In other words, he told them to help their friends and neighbors fight for their land before they settled down all comfy and cozy in their own.

I would argue that those who are married should do the same. It doesn't have to be anything huge. It could be praying for your unmarried friends, sending them an encouraging note,  or giving them relationship advice.

I hope to do that for my unmarried friends when I get married.

...if I have any unmarried friends left by the time I walk down the aisle.

Thoughts?

Respect and Honor

I have a friend who just got married.

Of course, I was in the wedding.

Yeah I know, always a bridesmaid...

Anyways. One thing I noticed about her and her now husband is they speak well of each other.

In all of my conversations with her, she never tore him down. In dating or now in marriage.

Even when something bothers her, she speaks well of him to others.

And people say the same thing about the way he treats her.

It's not blindness, because they know each other's faults.

It's respect and honor of their spouse.

That's the kind of spouse I want to be.  And that's the kind of spouse I want to have.

So thanks to two friends for being a great example of what respect and honor looks like.

Risk

Risk sometimes involves hurt. And it’s better to risk than to do nothing at all.

We take risks every time we venture out into a place where people are and where we might feel uncomfortable.

As I thought about that, I remember how I used to be. You see, I used to be the one who didn’t take risks, didn’t venture out, and stayed within my routine.

But then God showed me something. Yes, staying in your home, your routine, your comfort zone, feels safe at the time. In fact, you feel pretty good. And you seemingly avoid all the negative emotions that can come along with taking risks.


But it’s a lie. A set-up. A deception from Satan or from yourself that actually robs you of what you want most.

The truth is, risk involves getting hurt sometimes.

Feeling awkward. Feeling like you might not measure up to everyone else.

But it also leads to meaningful friendships, getting to know new people, and opening your heart and life to relationships.

For me,  I know that risk may hurt at times, but I believe the rewards it can bring is worth it.

So the next time you feel like you’ve taken a risk and it has hurt you, remember that risk doesn’t always involve pain. If you keep at it, it will bring you joy and rewards from God you never dreamed of.

What is it you’re risking right now?

Looks Don't Matter or Do They?

Some friends and I were talking the other day about beauty. And we asked ourselves a tough question.

Are we lying to girls and boys when we tell them that looks don't matter?

Because the truth is...they do. At least in the real world. If you look at statistics, attractive people usually get the better job, more attention, etc. Then we got into the conversation that went something along these lines...

How come you see a princess with a frog but never a froggette with a prince?

(Yes, I realize I just made up the word for froggette to describe a female frog.) But seriously, how come you see a beautiful woman with an averaging looking man but you almost never see a good looking man with an average looking woman? We asked the question and the room fell silent.

We had no answers. Nothing.  And personally, I still don't have any answers.

That's why I'm putting these two questions to you. Do you think looks matter? Why do you think we see more beautiful women with the average Joe, but rarely see a good looking man with an average Jane?

The Teenager Inside Us All

They say that inside every man is a little boy. And from my experience, I believe it. Not that it’s a bad thing, unless you’re a grown man and still living at home. I take that back. In this economy, you may be wise (or forced) to do so…but I digress.

But few talk about the thirteen year-old girl that can often rear it’s ugly self in grown women.

My friends and I were talking about this last week. We asked ourselves why we get so upset when a man, even a man we aren’t interested in, can say something to us and we get hurt or angry. But a girl can say the exact same thing to us and we’ll confront her or just write her off as a…well you know.

It’s like all of the sudden we become this emotional thirteen year-old girl and anything a man says to us melts us to pieces or gets us so angry we wants to rip the guy’s head off his body.

As we were talking, I decided to lay out my theory. I think that women have to stop placing our value on what a man (any man…even the one we wouldn’t date if he was the last guy on earth) thinks about us.

It’s dangerous to our self-worth and unfair to men.

It puts so much pressure on them. Can you imagine if you knew that every word you said could potentially cause the guys in your life to have a total global meltdown?

Yikes.

I also think that men need to be guarded in what they say to women. It’s one thing to give your buddy a hard time about what he wearing or what he just said. It’s is an entirely different thing to give a woman a hard time. You. just. don’t. do it. Trust me, even though she may not show it, she’s either seething or crying on the inside (depending on her personality).

That’s my theory for what’s it’s worth. Am I right or way off base?

Competing with Dumb Girl

The other day I was with a group of friends. We were talking about the Bible. And one of the girls there started playing dumb. I’d seen her do this before around men but this time it really got under my skin. I knew she knew the answers but all of the sudden she had a high pitched voice and didn’t know a darn thing.

And the guys there just ate it up.

Now before you all are too hard on this girl, I’ve seen many women do this. And in my circles, it always seems to center around what they know about God, the Bible, and their Christian walk. I know they know these things because we’ve talked about them one on one. But when the opposite sex comes around, it’s like these girls are back in Bible class 101 and they don’t know Abraham from Moses. What was my reaction to all this you say? I did what any self-respecting modern woman would do.


I decided to play dumb too.

I know I’m making all you women proud. I actually said I didn’t know something when I really did. I kept my mouth shut about a scripture that really spoke to me and almost acted as if I’d never heard it.

And guess what? It worked (sort of). I got the attention I wanted but at a price.

I gave up who I was and what God had done in my heart. When I got home, I was ashamed. Why did I do that? Why did I basically lie? The truth is, I felt like I couldn’t measure up. I couldn’t compete with her feigned lack of knowledge so decided to join in too.

So I cried out to God.

I basically said “Hey. I thought Christian guys wanted a woman who could talk about her faith and what God's taught her. But all I’m finding is guys who only feel comfortable around a woman if she knows less about God than they do.” Pout. Pout. Then God spoke to me.

Don’t deny what I’ve done in your life to impress men.

Ouch. See, it wasn’t about what men wanted in a woman. It was about my reaction. It was about me being true to myself. See, I’m not a super talkative person. I don’t have all the answers and often say so. But when I do know them, I need to share them.

Even if that is seen as a threat to men and they are intimidated.

Someday there will be a man who’s not intimidated by a woman who is comfortable talking about what she knows about the Bible or anything else. And that day, my friends, will be a very good day. So…what is it that you feel you just can’t compete with when it comes to men and women? What is your reaction to it?

Question for you

My pastor recently preached a marriage and relationship series all rolled into one. And I think that’s not only hard to do but rare in churches these days (Note: I’ve heard Perry Noble at Newspring Church has one out there. I haven’t seen it but I heard it was awesome). Most churches have a marriage series where the unmarried people check out. Or they have a dating series where the married people check out. Or worse, they never talk to people who are unmarried and all they do is focus on marriages which is something I’ve never understood. Don’t get me wrong, marriages are in trouble. But I would argue that if you focused on people and relationships before they get married, you would have a lot less marriages in trouble.

I’m just sayin’.

Anyway, here’s my question. What does your church do? Has your pastor ever had a sermon series talking to both married people and unmarried people?

By the way, here is a link if you want to see my pastor's sermon on this topic.
http://www.lifechurch.tv/message-archive/watch/once-upon-a-marriage

Movie Star Illusions

I was having a conversation with friends the other day and two of them were telling me about a movie they had just seen. Then one of them said, “Oh I just wish I could have a strong man like him. The movie made me want to have someone like that”. Or something along those lines. Now what she said wasn’t wrong. But it got me thinking. I think women tend to watch romantic movies and long for a man just like the one in the movie they’ve just seen. But there’s one problem.


Those men aren’t real.

They’re a screenwriter’s ideal of what a man should be or an idea of a man they know will make a good movie. As a writer, I’m naturally inclined to be imaginative. So, a while back, I used to long to be in the movies or books I would read. And actually be a little sad that I wasn’t a part of them or there wasn’t people like that who really existed. I know…there’s meds for that. Then God smacked be upside the head. That is not reality. It never was and never will be. And it’s dangerous to compare fictional characters to the real, fallible humans that actually exist. So ladies, let’s stop comparing the men around us to the men we see in movies and read about in books. It dangerous because you’ll never be satisfied with anyone because you’ll always be holding up everyone you meet to an ideal that doesn’t exist.

Now to the guys. Thought you’d get off the hook huh?

Now, I’m not a guy so this is going to be based on observation so if I’m off base here guys, feel free to correct me. The women you see in movies and magazines do not exist. They have had hours of make-up and hair dressers to make them look like that. And the women in the photos? Can you say digitally altered? Now, let me tell you the real scoop about real women. We get zits. The shock! And get ready boys…we look different without our make-up on. Not bad different…just different. The horror!


What I’m really trying to say to both men and women is this…the ideal you see in the movies, or books, or magazines is not real. It’s not real in character or looks. So stop comparing it to the real thing. If you don’t, you may just miss out on God’s best for you because your so busy comparing them to an illusion that never existed in the first place.

Have you ever been trapped by illusions you’ve seen or read about?